So, life has been smacking you around, huh? Join to the club- none of us have made it to where we are unscathed. 

But what happens when things are too much- when you no longer feel resilient- when it feels like the trauma is getting the best of you, and you have little desire to rise up and overcome?

What happens when those traumatizing moments change you and you are no longer the jovial and optimistic person you once were?

What do you do when you realize you have become this hyper-cautious, hyper-sensitive, joy-stealing ‘realist’?

Trauma and disappointment have a way of doing that to a person-but rest assured, you can still reclaim your happiness.

I’ve experienced my fair share of both soul and  joy-snatching events and believe me, it takes serious work to remain resilient and not get jaded.

Here’s how you do it:

1. What outcome are you looking for?

Alright babe, where do you wanna go? Why do I ask this? Because when you begin with the end in mind, it’s a lot easier to make decisions. If you live up north and you want to move down south, you know that you need to travel south- not north.

When you focus on where you want to go and set your intention, it helps you stay present and future focused.

Asking ourselves questions like “is this going to get me closer or farther from where I want to go” makes a world of difference when emotion is clouding our logic.

Set your intention. Put a pin on the map. And focus on what will get you there.

The ‘demons’ will try to resurface, for sure, but we can’t give them any more time than we’ve already given them. 

You and I both know what will happen if we do, so tell your trauma to go sit down somewhere while you figure things out.

If you’ve got any inkling of fight left, it means you are still resilient.

2. What’s Changed?

Alright babe, time to take inventory. What’s changed because of the trauma? Now that you’ve set your focus and intention on your goal, we’ve got to figure out how this situation has changed you. What viewpoints have changed? What do you do differently now? Tally it all up- the good, the bad, the ugly. 

What do all those things mean in relation to your goal?

What do you need to do to stay on track?

Do you have any viewpoints that have formed solely because of the traumatizing event? Are they helpful, realistic, or in alignment with the life you want to live?

3. Gameplanning

I am a firm believer that if life is allowed to kick your butt, you are allowed to kick it’s. So, what have you learned so far? What do you need to do in order to get back on track? We will overcome this got-danged turn of events. Periodt.

So think, what needs to be done?

How can we not only overcome this but also mitigate the chances of this happening again?

4. Change the Narrative

What’s swirling around in that wonderful brain of yours? What are you telling yourself? What feeling is overwhelming you? Failure? Grief? Remorse? Hurt? Betrayal? Hopelessness?

Suicidal ideation?

Everything you are feeling and thinking is allowed and valid. But let’s take this a step further and ask ourselves these questions:

Is this thought actually true?

Do I really believe this?

Do I really want that to happen?

Do I want to feel better?

What do I need to feel better?

What am I doing that isn’t helping me feel better? 

Now that last question is GOLD. I am THE QUEEN of listening to depressing ass music that would probably worry people. I’m talking singing allllllllll the breakup songs, allllllllll the betrayal songs, alllllllllll the “WHAT DOES IT MEAN” songs- all of them. 

Singing. Crying. Puffy eyes. Missed notifications. Empty wine glasses. Day-long retreats under the sheets. Blank gazes. Stone-like stature. And thinking the worst of the worst (here are 5 steps to improving your mindset). 

Telling yourself you’re not remarkable, that you’re not special, that you’re a failure, that no one wants you, or that there is something wrong with you definitely is not the ticket to feeling better. It is not the ticket to building resilience, overcoming your trauma, and not further traumatizing yourself.

It isn’t.

So, what do you need right now that would make you feel the slightest bit better? Because that is all we need to make the moves we need to make. The slightest shift in the right direction is energizing, restores hope, and returns us closer to our normal selves.

Most of us just need to be reminded of our inner greatness and to be affirmed

5. Seeking Help

Alright, you may not feel like you need this, but there’s a chance you could benefit from a therapist and a life coach. If you’re anything like me when I’m going through tough times, your sense of self-care and self-love suck, and you need help with daily affirmations.

Recruiting the services of a therapist can help you process what has happened to you and the effect it is having on you, recruiting the services of a life coach can help you move forward with developing the insight needed for you to be able to hit your goals. 

When it comes to trauma, I believe having both a life coach and a therapist are beneficial.

You are resilient, you will overcome, you are overcoming, and you will be okay.

I can feel it in my bones.


Desiree' Stapleton

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Desiree’ Stapleton 

-I Help Women Mitigate the Challenges in Their Lives So That They Can Produce + Hit More of Their Goals

– Forbes ‘Next 1000’ Nominated Master Level Coach | Author | Speaker 

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