Alright, time for the real: a lot of us have been through some thangs. And a lot of us have had just enough capacity to get through the traumatic or stressful event and still hold everything together- not having time to process what’s just happened. Why? Because sometimes, we don’t always have the time or capacity to dwell or process. We’ve got bills, family obligations, work obligations, and everything else we’re responsible for. So, we get through it the best way that allows us to still show up in life and we move forward.

We all have different ways of going about being able to handle trauma or consistent levels of stress. Some resort to substance abuse, alchol, promiscuity, ‘reckless behavior’, self-harm, harm to others, dissociation, detachment, or become emotionally numb.

And you know what? That’s okay. Now you may read that and think “what the hell.. I know she didn’t just say all that stuff was okay.. I can’t believe she’d condone all that“. But here’s the thing, there is a difference between acceptance and approval.

Allow me to explain.

1. Acceptance

When I say “it’s okay”, I mean to accept what currently is by accepting and acknowledging what’s happened: the effect it’s had and is having on you, and how you previously coped with it and how you are coping with it now. Not giving yourself grace is equivalent to not accepting yourself, and that my dear friend is not self-love.

Acceptance is ackowledging what is, approval is being in agreement with what is. You can accept that all the things are a thing but that doesn’t mean that it has to stay that way or that there is nothing that you can do.

Personally, the amount of persistent trauma I’ve faced has made me aware that the way that I have coped with constant trauma and stress is by becoming emotionally numb, detaching myself, and dissociating. I got an early headstart on trauma and for a while there and the “good times (sarcasm)” kept rolling for longer than any person should endure.

What’s helped me never lose sight of the vision of my life that I am working towards was, and is: having a growth mindset.

I’ve learned that the undesirable things that have happened in my life:

1: don’t define me

2: don’t define my future

3: don’t define my ability or capacity to still get out of life what I want

I’ve also learned that even though I have a special set of circumstances:

1: I can still be a BAWSE

2: I can still be happy

3: I can still get what I want out of life

Happiness IS STILL possible!

Step 1 is accepting all that is. Accepting and acknowledging what’s happened, the effect it’s had and is having on you, and how you previously coped with it and how you are coping with it now.

2. Checking In

Sometimes, we need to take a moment to check in with ourselves to see how we’re really doing.

Take inventory:

How do you feel most days? How do you feel about your life currently and the direction it is going in? How do you feel about the people around you?

Are the things in your life contributing to habits that aren’t serving you? And yes, dissociation, detachment, and emotional numbness are habits if they become your go-to coping skill.

If you could remove certain people from your life, change careers, or move to a more desirable location, how would you feel?

If you didn’t have some of these stressors in your life, how do you think you’d feel?

Is there anything that you are now realizing is contributing to you staying in an undesirable state of mind?

Does your life really “suck”, or is it your job or the people in your life that aren’t in alignment with what you want for your life?

Take inventory.

When was the last time you truly had a break?

What things do you do that aleviate you from your normal state of depression, numbness,etc.? Example: noticing that you feel happier when you’re not home or more hopeful and confident when you don’t talk to your father.

If you’re like me, tracking and journaling helps you be more conscious of what’s happening with you. If you use The Self-Help App, I’ve created an area where you are able to track your progress on your personal development goals as well as journal and map out your day. Just because we may be high-functioning in our area of expertise, does not mean that that awesomness tranfers over to other areas of our lives. Not saying that we must be perfect or strive for constant perfection, but what we do need to do is address the things in our lives that are not helping us get better or do better.

What do you need to cut out?

What can you cut out?

What do you need help with cutting out?

3. Personal Growth and Development

You can and will get through this.

What areas of your life do you feel could use some help?

Resources:

Book Me As Your Coach

Step by Step ‘Secrets to Happiness’ Workbook Guide

The Daily Affirmation Handbook (365 Affirmations) Ebook

Happiness Through Self-Care Ebook

Simple Self-Love Ebook

Developing a Growth Mindset Ebook

5 Rituals To Happiness And Fulfillment AudioBook and Ebook

365 Days of Manifestation Ebook

The Goal Setting Success Guide

Step by Step ‘Achieving Life Goals’ Workbook Guide

5 Steps to Improving Your Mindset Ebook

Step by Step ’21 Days of Mindfulness’ Workbook Guide 

Living a Meaningful Life Ebook

Unlocking Your Inner Greatness Ebook

How to CRUSH Your Goals: A Detailed Guide on How to Fully Set Yourself Up For Success and Achieve More of Your Goals Course

Personal Growth & Development 101: Building Yourself to Become the Person Required to Get the Job Done Course

How to be “Super Woman” to Yourself: Because You Are Worth It Course

4. Getting Help

Look, there’s no shame in recognizing that something is off and realizing that you need help. If your business was in trouble, you’d hire professional help. If you needed help taking care of your kids, you’d hire a babysitter or nanny. If you’re at work and need help, you’d ask your supervisor.

So why then when we need help with our inner turmoil, do we not hire help?

Affordable options when you need someone to talk to:

1: Therapy (link to affordable option)- helps you process the things that have happened to you and the effects they have on you

2: Life Coaching– helps you develop the skills needed to facilitate your growth towards your goals.

Conclusion:

1: it’s never too late to work towards the life you want to live

2: you are not too damaged

3: things can still work in your favor

4: accept and acknowledge what’s happened, the effect it’s had and is having on you, and how you previously coped with it and how you are coping with it now.

5: check in with yourself to see how you’re really doing

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Desiree' Stapleton

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Desiree’ Stapleton 

– 2x ‘30 Under 30’ Honoree and Forbes ‘Next 1000’ Nominated Master Level Coach | Author | CEO 

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– I Help Women Mitigate the Challenges in Their Lives so That They Can Produce + Hit More of Their Goals. 

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